Bullies in the Workplace - One Example

This is a true story about an individual I worked for (and so have many, many others).  I'll just call him/her Goldie.

1.     Goldie typically goes through four people per year on one position alone.

2.     Has recently been trying to fill another position and has gone through five people in four months time.

3.     It's literally like working for Goldilocks....this one is too fat, this one is too (insert appropriate racial remark), this one's clothes aren't professional enough, all of them are stupid when Goldie compares them to himself/herself and they can't read minds.

4.     Most people who've been gunned down in Goldie's unique hiring/firing system are responsible employees. They arrive early/on time, leave on time/stay later, and don't abuse vacations or sick days. Needless to say, they try very hard because this is one tough taskmaster. Of course they do these things; they are terrified of Goldie, the office terrorist. But of course, nothing is ever enough for Goldie.

5.     Goldie's hiring process consists of finding someone who can read, write, and maintain a body temperature of 98.6. No testing for skills is done ahead of time. Instead a person is hired, tried, and fired in a few short weeks, sometimes only days.

6.     Goldie requires complete perfection and total recall of all correspondence at all times.

7.     This is a professional company which requires experience, licensing, and professional qualifications.

8.     This company has been in business for 20 years and many employees have worked there ten plus years. Of course, none of those long-term employees report directly to Goldie.

9.     Goldie has the owners held captive. Any employee who reports directly to Goldie is fighting alone against him/her, with the owners desperately trying to avoid any conversations with Goldie. They avoid Goldie's calls and emails.

10.   Workers in other departments at least have a buffer between themselves and Goldie. If you accept a job working for Goldie, be prepared to fight your own battles, of which there will only be one and you will lose it.

11.   Vicious and vindictive, flighty and emotional, rude and possibly immoral - this is Goldie.

12.   Most conversations with Goldie have a tone which leaves an employee with a clear sense of a dangling "comma, moron" attached to the end of every sentence.

13.   Exact job posting should add "experience in a dysfunctional family is desirable, eggshell-walking experience preferred."

If you're interested in this job, please take two aspirin and think it over further.

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